Regarding the Twilight book Series

SPOILER ALERT: If you think you might read book #4 at any point in the future, this post will ruin it for you.

Me: I was so engrossed in Breaking Dawn that I missed my stop this morning. I have to know -- does Bella become a vampire in this book?

The Former Roommate: Why do you want me to tell you? You want me to ruin it? You REALLY want me to tell you, honestly?

Me: I HAVE TO KNOW

The Former Roommate: Yes she does.

Me: SHUT UP. Is that why everyone hates it?

The Former Roommate: You know, I honestly don't know why people hate it.

Me: By the way, TYM said that if there were a werewolf that was in love with me, and he could hear all of his dirty thoughts about me, and they were mortal (or immortal, I guess), enemies, no way would he give him to me as a wedding gift.

The Former Roommate: HA! I am pretty sure the boyfriend would have killed Jacob by now. Pretty happily. And maybe even decorated the lawn with body parts.

The Former Roommate: I wish someone would rewrite the books with a better vocabulary, and better dialogue. And with porn. You know, basically, like for adults and not 12 year olds.

Me: Yeah. I hated how vague the sex thing was. I wanted to know EXACTLY how Bella got EVERY SINGLE bruise.

The Former Roommate: Me too. And what's frustrating is if you read any M rated fan fiction, it's written by 12 year olds. "Then he totally did it to her."

Me: Ha! "He stuck his weiner in her vag."

The Former Roommate: "He put his thing in and moved it A LOT."

The Former Roommate: "Whoa!" he screamed. "My dong is exploding!"

The Former Roommate: I think we need to write some bad Twilight erotica and go read it at an open mic night.

Me: YES! Pretty limited crowd for that sort of thing, though. Like, maybe Mejack would come.

The Former Roommate: And Vix.

Me: So like, an open mic in one of our living rooms maybe. With just the one act.

The Former Roommate: BELLA: Ooh, your thing is so big. As big as a loaf of bread. Edward: MOAN MOAN Bella! Your jugs are perfect.