Breaking and Entering

Before moving, I lived in a big apartment building run by a management company. Now, I'm living on the bottom floor of a two-family house with my landlord upstairs. I'm still getting used to this. I get nervous about things like playing Pantera's Vulger Display of Power too loud, doing my best Courtney Love impression in the shower, or engaging in other things that might produce noise while my landlady is home. The former tenant was a cat lady in her late 40s who kept to herself, so I'm basically trying to project the image of a responsible, professional young lady who can be trusted.

Why am I telling you all this? Because my favorite thing about my apartment is sneaking out onto the porch late at night to enjoy a glass of wine and a cigarette. Not that I have to sneak, but I do. And last night, when I went out to partake in this clandestine act, I locked myself out.

My first reaction was panic. My second was, "Shit, now what?" I thought about ringing the upstairs bell, and then decided I didn't want to do that. I didn't even know if they were home. What I decided to do instead was climb in through the window, grab my keys, and then come back out to retrieve my wine glass and cigarettes. I was just about to climb in when my landlord and her husband pulled up in their new white SUV.

I sat back down. Not only did I have no escape, but I also had evidence of my boozing and smoking. I figured I'd wait until they were upstairs, and then quietly climb in though the window. I could have asked for their extra set of keys, but I didn't want them to think I was so irresponsible as to lock myself out. Instead of heading upstairs, they decided to sit on the porch with me for an eternity. Did I mention that I had to pee? Because I did.

Finally, they went inside. I counted to 100 and then climbed in quietly. Well, quietly until I bashed my foot on the window ledge. I'm such a dainty flower. Despite my nerves, my landlady did not come downstairs to ask just what in the hell I was doing, and no one called the cops to report the redheaded girl with the wine glass breaking into the house down the block. Phew.

Note to self: Bring the keys in the future, even if you think you left all relevant doors unlocked.