The List

So, like most people in relationships, I have a list of three famous people I'm allowed to sleep with should I get the chance and The Young Man isn't allowed to get mad and/or dump me. They are as follows:


Anthony Bourdain


Paul Rudd


Rob Zombie

This list changes frequently. Well, the #2 spot does. Anthony Bourdain and Rob Zombie don't ever really go anywhere. And it doesn't really say anything about my preferences in real life. In real life, I like little Jewish guys. Well, at one point it was just little guys with big noses, but I swore off Italians (Weird sexual hang-ups and Mommy issues -- I can say this because I am Italian). Shaved heads and tattoos are optional, though appreciated. TYM, incidentally, has all of my desired characteristics, save for an average-sized nose.

Here's TYM's list:


Cameron Diaz


Milla Jovovich


The redheaded chick from Mythbusters

Actually, he recently put in a request to swap out the redheaded chick from Mythbusters for Martha Plimpton, not because he actually wants to bang Martha Plimpton, mind you, but because I once had a dream that he came dangerously close to cheating on me at a party with Martha Plimpton. He's a riot, TYM. I responded by asking to swap out someone for a famous playwright/screenwriter I once had coffee with, and was denied because you aren't allowed to have someone on your list if their number is in your cell phone or something. It's also worth noting that he tried to put the Olsen twins on his list because he thought he could get two for one.

So uh, does anyone know how to get in touch with Anthony Bourdain, Paul Rudd or Rob Zombie? I have a couple of free nights next week.