Regarding Drugs

Can we talk about drugs for a minute?

I'm neither experienced nor an expert in drugs. I've been a pothead at various points in my life, mainly during high school, college and my last long-term relationship. I tried one half of an ecstasy pill once, and can count the number of times I've tried shrooms on one hand. That's about it. I've always avoided the stuff I figured I'd like too much -- heroin, for example, and the stuff that would make me higher strung than I already am, i.e. cocaine.

This morning, I read this story on CNN, about "cheese heroin," and how it's killing kids all over Dallas. First of all, you know you're getting old when you see a headline that references a drug and you don't actually know what it is. Second of all, listen to what this drug is, if like me, you aren't up to speed on what the kids are putting into their bodies these days.

"Cheese heroin" is a blend of so-called black tar Mexican heroin and crushed over-the-counter medications that contain the antihistamine diphenhydramine, found in products such as Tylenol PM, police say. The sedative effects of the heroin and the nighttime sleep aids make for a deadly brew.

Okay, seriously? Whatever happened to a six-pack of Meister Brau and a joint? A six-pack of Meister Brau and a joint was actually fun. Cheese heroin does not sound like fun. It sounds like a few hours of sitting on the floor drooling on yourself. Why can't today's kids drop acid? Sniff gasoline? Suck nitrous out of a whipped cream can? (Julie and I used to lock ourselves in the cooler at the nursing home we worked at and do the latter. And it was fun! Funner than cheese heroin! And it made it extra hilarious when Hazel at Table 9's glass eye would pop out and she'd start screaming!)

I'm hoping that the drugs of my youth come back into vogue. Not only are the drugs kids are mixing up today super-deadly, but they also sound like an awful time. And if that's not a good enough reason not to do them, than I don't know what is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get off my soapbox and go snort some Ritalin before I start work. Kidding!