Today in Britney News

Hi y'all!

I'm not sure if everyone is following the most awesome divorce in the history of all mankind as closely as I am, but if not, here's what you need to know. And no, I won't be doing this every day. I expect I'll actually have a life again at some point and will resume business as usual. Are you ready? Good. Get your reading glasses on:

K-Fed wants all the money, er, I mean, the kids (TMZ)

Brit's new boobs look better from far away, but whatever. She still looks great. (The Superficial)

The Britney/Kevin sex tape, possibly. NSFW. (Fleshbot)

Britney awesomely screws K-Fed out of royalty money for the first pics of Jayden James (The always delicious WWTDD, or as I like to call him, my future husband)

K-Fed stinks up the windy city. Even the wind can't help with the stench. (Pink is the New Blog)

Was there an astrological reason behind the divorce? When in doubt, blame Uranus. (AOL Horoscopes)