What's In It For Me?

Him: The book I'm reading is making me want to visit Tibet, Thailand, and Hong Kong. Maybe I could pretend to become a Mormon, and then they'd send me over there as a missionary, then I could kind of wander off and do my own thing.

Me: How would you get away with that?

Him: I'd be all like "Yeah, Mormons are awesome" and they'd be like "Cool, so we're gonna send you to Thailand to spread the word" and I'd be all like "Cool." Then when I got to the hotel I'd be like "Oh I forgot something in the cab" then sort of like wander off.

Me: Clearly you've thought this through.

Him: Also, since I'm fully vested, I figure I could probably quit my job and travel around for a year. Then I'd come back with no money -- but you'd have sold your book by then, and I figure you could just be my sugar mommy.

Me: What makes you think I'd be your sugar mommy?

Him: I'd bang you for money! I'd be your man slut!

Me: Will you do housework?

Him: Probably not. But you could pay for me to take a cooking class and I'd like cook you stuff.

Me: Fix things?

Him: I can change light bulbs!

Me: This sounds like kind of a shitty deal.

Him: You're not thinking this through! I'd 1) bang you 2) cook for you 3) play with your kitties 4) change your light bulbs and 5) bring you little Buddha statues from the far east.

Me: 1) you already bang me for free 2) I'd have to pay for a cooking class 3) the kitties get played with a lot 4) I can change a light bulb myself and 5) you'd probably bring me little Buddha statues anyway. See? Shitty deal.

Him: I am sensing a little ambivalence here. I'm just saying, think it through. Mull it over. Don't answer right now. Just think about it.