An Open Letter to Kate Bosworth's Sternum

Dear Kate Bosworth's Sternum:

I do believe congratulations are in order. It's not often a sternum, of all things, gets to steal the show in such a manner.

We see a lot of celebrity body parts these days. Like nipples, for example. Why, it seems like almost daily one of those errant buggers jumps out of a dress on the red carpet. If it's not a slip, it's a see-through shirt sans bra. Those starlets are so busy, it's any wonder they even remember to get dressed, let alone put on a brassiere! But really, nipples are old news. These days, in which Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are in a tight skankoff to acquaint the world with the intricacies of their respective vaginas, you really have to go above and beyond to get any kind of attention. Enter you, Kate Bosworth's Sternum.

The thing about the sternum is, it doesn't get much attention. In most normal people, you can't even see the sternum. I mean, you assume it's there, quietly protecting the lungs, heart and major blood vessels. Mostly, though, we as a collective society have taken you and your kind for granted. I don't want to get your hopes up, Kate Bosworth's Sternum, but I think those days of sternum invisibility are over.

Just look at you, Kate Bosworth's Sternum! What definition you have! It's like you're saying to the world, "Behold me! I am Sternum!" Some say Kate Bosworth is too skinny, I say she is a celebration of you! Just think, if the shrinking starlet trend continues, you'll be a household name. You can publicly make snide comments about Nicole Richie's sternum, and it will be all over the tabloids! Waxed vaginas and miniskirts will be a thing of the past.

So congratulations on your big debut, Kate Bosworth's sternum. May your newfound fame bring you success and adoration. Just don't forget the little people (i.e. lungs and hearts) on your rise to the top.

Love,
Jess