The Night L.A. Guns Drunk-Dialed Me

I was a huge L.A. Guns fans back in the day. To tell you the truth, "The Ballad of Jayne" still kicks my ass all over the place, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, I was 15, they were playing at Saratoga Winners, and my mom had some silly "school night" rule and wouldn't let me go.

You can imagine how bummed I was, and also how pissed. I mean, how dare my mother not let me go to a bar 40 minutes away when I had to show up the next morning for 10th grade? So strict and cruel, that mom.

My friend Gary went, and I was beyond jealous. He told me he'd see about getting me an autograph, but it didn't diminish my hurt and disappointment. I sat home and sulked, and played my Cocked and Loaded tape at top volume with the door open. Eventually, I got bored of being a brat and went to sleep. At around 1 in the morning, my phone rang. I pounced on it before my mother could wake up.

"Hello?" I said, still half-asleep.

"Jessica?" It was a voice I didn't recognize.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"This is Tracii Guns."

"Very funny, Gary."

"I'm with Gary. We're at Winners. Say hi Gary!" I heard Gary's unmistakable drunk yelling in the background.

My heart stopped. I froze. My mind was blown.

"Um, wow, hi."

And Tracii and I made with the small talk. I tried to play it cool but inside I was screaming "OH MY GOD I AM TALKING TO TRACII MOTHERFUCKING GUNS ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!"

It didn't end here, either. I also talked to Mick Cripps and Kelly Nickles. They all sounded drunk as all hell. They were all friendly. They all tried to convince me that I should find a way to get down to Winners and hang out with them, stat. Had I had a license yet, I most definitely would have climbed out of my window, rolled my mom's car down the driveway in neutral and gone there. Alas, fate was not on my side that night, and I had to decline.

The next day in school, a very tired Gary gave me the lowdown. He'd gone to the show, met them after, started hanging out, mentioned his friend Jessica couldn't come and was bummed because she was a huge fan and one of the guys said, "Let's call her!" He also had a napkin to give me with autographs and short notes to me scrawled on it. I still have it somewhere.

I'm pretty sure that's the most exciting thing that happened to me when I was 15. Unless that was the year I met Skid Row. I can't remember if I was 14 or 15 when that happened.