My Cat is an Asshole

Me: John Brown ate my pistachio cupcake from the super shiny crackhead bakery this morning.

The Roommate: No way!

Me: I gave [The Boy] the box to take his cupcake in, and I set mine down on the counter and walked out of the room. When I came back in, he was chowing down on my fucking cupcake. What cat eats cupcakes?

The Roommate: What a dick. John Brown is really something.

Me: I wish I could say I was so grossed out that I didn't eat what was left of the cupcake, but I can't.

The Roommate: HA!

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