Why Jess and My Sharona Might be Single

My Sharona: I LOVE HIM. I want to have ten thousand of his babies.*

Me: Of course you do. He doesn't live here.

My Sharona: He's probably a dick.

Me: Or he could have an annoying laugh. Or a really high-pitched voice. Or scabies.

My Sharona: Or all three.

Me: And a wife.

My Sharona: And two kids.

Me: And two more from two different baby mommas. Crazy ones.

My Sharona: And he only joined the army to escape an armed robbery conviction.

Me: After he killed someone so he could assume his identity to get into the army.

My Sharona: Or maybe he's just writing to me from his mom's basement in Ohio.

Me: Word.

* Any mention of ten thousand babies in the most recent Cosmo Blog post is entirely coincidental.