Take your muffins and go, Rachael Ray

I just got done watching an episode of 30-Minute Meals. I don't watch this show despite the fact that I hate Rachael Ray with the fire of 1,000 suns. I watch it precisely for that reason. I can honestly say that I have never been as offended by a meal as I am right now.

On the menu: Spanish Pork Chops with Linguica Corn Stuffing and Cherry-Rioja Gravy and Green Beans with Olives, Raisins and Almonds.

First, let's discuss the ingredients. For the gravy: red wine, butter, flour, cherry preserves, salt, pepper and beef stock. Totally disgusting right? Beef stock and cherry jam?

For the green beans: pimento-stuffed olives, golden raisins and smoked almonds. I bet that tastes like my vomit.

Before she got to work on the stuffing, I was thinking, "Wow, gross meal." Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen, though. She started the stuffing in the pan. Linguica (a type of sausage), celery, onions, peppers and garlic cooked up in some EV-Fucking-OO. Then, she got the muffins. MUFFINS! She crumbled them up into the pan, and then drenched them in the rest of the beef stock. She also said some things I found horrifying:

"You can use any kind of stock in the stuffing, chicken, vegetable… you know, if you want to make it healthful." [MUFFINS!]

"I like to make a celery and leek stuffing with lemon poppy muffins." [MUFFINS!]

"I always use muffins when I make pan stuffing." [MUFFINS!]

I couldn't finish eating my dinner. Okay, to tell you the truth it was a big fucking sandwich and I was full, but I probably would have made the effort to finish it if Rachael Ray hadn't assaulted me with her muffins. MUFFINS!