Zach makes his case

Me: Are you crashing with me Saturday night?

Zach: Wasn't that the plan? Is that a no-go now?

Me: No, that's fine. I was just checking

Zach: Don't you remember the convo like a month ago about this? Where else am I going to sleep Saturday night? If you say Grand Central, you will receive a wedgie.

Me: I vaguely remember the convo. I wasn't taking you seriously.

Zach: Does that mean I am sleeping on the couch?

Me: Well, no. You can sleep in my room. I can take the couch.

Zach: Are you kidding me? Do you have a twin bed or something?

Me: No, I have a Queen.

Zach: For the love of Pete, sleep in the bed. I already told you I am. I'm not going to cop a feel or beg you for a blow job.

Me: I don't think we really need to work all of this out right now.

Zach: Just sleep in the bed with me, I am not going to do anything other than sleep. You are safe. I will, however, lie to anyone who asks and tell them we did it.

Me: Ha!

Zach: See? Good times for everyone. Everyone wins. You get to sleep in your bed, and I get to tell everyone ... well, nothing pretty much. But in the event they ask, I scored. Twice. Honestly, sleep in your own bed, I don't need much room, I'm a side sleeper.

Me: Okay! Fine! Jesus!