A text/IM conversation with Zach

First, the texts:

Zach: Is it normal for a girl to have her period for 13 days?

Me: Dude, she so doesn't want to sleep with you.

Zach: It's not some chick I'm trying to score with. Is it normal?

Me: She needs a doctor.

Zach: Is this the coolest text message you got today?

Me: Coolest? Yup. Only? Yup.

Now, on to the IM:

Zach: I can no longer sit on my porch and text you. Are you happy I'm on IM?

Me: Hey, cutie. Very.

Zach: Isn't it normally around 7 days?

Me: 5-7. I'm usually around 5.

Zach: Good to know.

Me: Actually, I'm somewhere around 30-31.

Zach: Is that supposed to be a witty joke on your age?

Me: No, it's supposed to be a witty joke about not sleeping with you.

Zach: Oh. Hey, I'm going to be in the city in June.

Me: Am I going to see you?

Zach: That depends.

Me: On what?

Zach: S-E-X.

Me: Oh fuck off.

Zach: Maybe I'll stay at your place Friday…

Me: … on the couch.

Zach: Come on! You have a huge freaking bed! I like to sleep too, you know. It's not like I'm going to touch you or bug you for a BJ.

Me: BJ? You are so 12.

Zach: Are you surprised?

Me: No. No I'm not.