No guys named Joe, either

The Roommate: How was the comedy show?

Me: Funny! Rob was great. I was totally crushing on the cute little emcee, but then he started making a few too many jokes about being emotionally unavailable.

The Roommate: That's what's called a red flag.

Me: In my experience, being a comic is a red flag. I swore them off a long time ago. Along with musicians. And Italians. I better find someone soon before I eliminate any more categories.

The Roommate: No left-handed Armenians. Or shortsighted sous chefs.

Me: Dude, my tattoo is a man magnet. I had guys approaching me all night.

The Roommate: Wow, anyone good?

Me: Well, this one really tall guy with long hair and a thick accent came up behind me and leaned over my shoulder and said, "You have a beautiful tattoo."

The Roommate: Was he cute?

Me: HOT. But Italian, though. He might as well have been an emotionally unavailable comic.