American Idol: This week's thoughts

First, some Jess/Curly texts, even though we watched the show three hours apart (time difference and all that):

Me: I adore Paris Bennett.

Curly: All the white girls sing boring songs. But I like The Pickle.

Me: I cry every time The Pickle is on camera.

Curly: I want to be her friend… even though her dad is a con.

That said, I'm doing this every week until either 1) The show is over or 2) The Apprentice starts and I lose interest. Incidentally, I won't be doing this after the boys perform tomorrow night (Ace! Chris! Call me! I have a big bed in the hotel room and three pillows!), because I have plans with one Portland D, who, despite the fact that I met him in a drunk mania at a party in Hoboken once, still wants to trek across town to hang out with me. Did I mention he's also a cutie? Anyway…

Ayla Brown: She's one of those over-achiever girls you secretly hated in high school, but also wanted to be her friend because you hoped some of her brains, talent and ambition would rub off on you before you accidentally threw her in front of a bus. I don't think she'll get the votes.

Becky O'Donohue: Ridiculously hot, which will probably carry her through for another round or two. However, sang Black Velvet at her audition, which kind of makes me want to set her on fire.

Brenna Gethers: If I were in the audience, I'd throw tomatoes at her. All ego, no talent, and only still in the competition because Simon has a hard-on for her.

Heather Cox: I can't even remember her performance – it was completely forgettable. Also, she's one of those girls who should be pretty, but for some bizarre reason isn't.

Katherine McPhee: Talented, adorable, likeable, I totally want to go shoe shopping with her. However, when Simon said she was the best vocalist all night? Um, no. Not even close.

Kellie Pickler: See text messages above.

Kinnik Sky: Eh. Gorgeous, but I wasn't blown away by her voice.

Lisa Tucker: More talented than KMcP, more adorable than KMcP, more likeable than KMcP, but I don't want to buy shoes with her as much. Seriously, though, the girl's talent is unbelievable, and she's only 16. At 16, I was writing bad poetry and listening to speed metal.

Mandisa: I didn't think she rocked the Heart song as much as everyone did. But she's sassy and I like her voice. I do think think the judges are being extra-nice to her because Simon made a fat joke and she called him on it. And they probably should be. But she needs a better song selection next time.

Melissa McGhee: Who? Oh, right. The not-cute chick with the pretty shirt. Wait, she sang?

Paris Bennett: See text messages above.

Stevie Scott: Oh Stevie. Stevie, Stevie, Stevie. When the judges are deciding your fate, it's okay to go all weird and falsetto and opera. When it's time for the 13-year-olds to start calling in, sing something they can relate to. That said, I think you're adorable.

There you have it, folks. Maybe I'll post more this week. Maybe I won't post until my American Idol recap next week. Who knows?