My horoscope

After six long months of infrequent showering and pajama-wearing, Aries, you will get the job you want. They will offer you more money than you asked for, and for the first time ever, travel will be a part of your job description. This job will be interesting and fun, and way better than the place that fired your ass.

Isn't that weird? My horoscope is, like, right on. Do you know what this means, people? This means two things:

1) Shopping spree

2) Tattoo