Games people play, anal or otherwise
Many months ago, Jean, My Sharona and I were doing our thing at Grassroots. That thing, incidently, was discussing My Sharona's and my long-suffering singledom and what exactly we might be doing wrong. Jean offered an explanation.
"The problem is, [My] Sharona plays too many games, and Jess doesn't play any."
These days, My Sharona and I seem to be having better luck in the dating department, but we're still holding on to our respective positions. She's a Rules girl through and through and me? Well, I guess my position is that I'm holding out for someone mature enough to appreciate the fact that I don't play games. My Sharona and I give each other frequent updates, and she usually chides me for some blunder I've made while I laugh at her complex mathematical dating equations.
If you're friends with both of us, you're going to get very different advice, should you ask. Jean usually asks us for our opinions and then opts for a path somewhere in the middle. Until last night, the only thing My Sharona and I could agree on was that it's a bad idea to drunk dial Germany while you're out on a Saturday night, and we took turns confiscating Jean's cell phone.
Last night, though, we were in complete agreement. Jean hooked up with the Adonis of Law School, and did the slow reveal over the course of the night. By "the slow reveal," I mean getting the full story took all night because she was afraid to lay everything on us all at once. Here’s why. Imagine the following conversation taking place while we laughed so hard we nearly hyperventilated.
Me: You stuck your finger up his ass on a first date?
Jean: There wasn't penetration. There was just PRESSING. [This point would be reiterated several times over the course of the night.] He liked it!
My Sharona: Of course he did! No wonder he called you the next day.
Me: That's like a little first date freebie right there.
My Sharona: That's like, the difference between date #5 and date #9!
Jean: Is it bad that I did that?
My Sharona: It's a little porn star.
Me: Yeah, but you didn't actually sleep with him, so now he's probably wondering how much of a freak you are in bed, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
My Sharona: You CANNOT pursue this guy in any way, shape or form now.
This is a typical My Sharona statement. As soon as she said it, Jean looked at me for my sure-to-be conflicting advice.
Me: No calling, no emailing, and no stopping by his room when you're coming home drunk. AT ALL.
Going forward, I have a feeling that any dating mistakes any of us commit will be judged on the basis of whether they are better or worse than the anal play. When Jean tells China about this, I bet the First Date Ass Presser will be either me or My Sharona.
