The fucking Colin fucking Farrell fucking sex fucking tape

I don't think anyone was terribly shocked to learn that there's a Colin Farrell sex tape floating around. Or terribly interested. I was mildly surprised that he seemed to be so upset about it being out there, because really, Colin Farrell seems like the kind of guy who would leak his own sex tape just so the world could get a good look at his allegedly huge unit. Still, the idea of watching the little rascal going at it wasn't as exciting as say, the news of a Spederline sex tape.

Shrimpjaw has the transcript posted, and now I wish I had seen it. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the man himself:

God, you're...as I said the other night, man, if a fucking camera could blush it would be fucking red because you are so fucking pretty.

I FUCKING LIVE ON PORN!

Aw, the battery's dead...so is my fucking cock.

You're just like...it's like you're going fishing for fucking pubes, man. You're just catching every fucking pube I have.

You'll want to read the whole thing. Like the part where he refers to her vagina as a "beautiful little flower." If someone ever referred to my girl parts in such a fashion, I'd punch them in the mouth, but that's just me.