The pants of death

Someone over at Urban Outfitters needs to be shot. Seriously.

Behold, stirrup pants. Did you catch that? STIRRUP PANTS. As in, the pants I wore in 6th grade with big belted sweatshirts, scrunchy socks and LA Gear high tops. They weren't a good idea then, and they're not a good idea now. Why? Because we know better now.

Attempting to bring back stirrup pants is a crime that should be punishable by death. And I don't even BELIEVE in the death penalty. If not death, at least a severe beating. I'm sick of seeing these horrific fashion crimes carried out with no repercussions. Why did no one beat the shit out of Ashton Kutcher for bringing the trucker hat into vogue? Why did no one tie up Mary-Kate Olson and flog her when all the chicks in downtown Manhattan started dressing like homeless people?

There are a lot of issues facing us today, people. Bird flu. Mercury in our salmon. Gas prices. War in Iraq. And I ask you, how am I supposed to even think about any of these issues when there are people running around in STIRRUP PANTS? I'm pretty sure the Book of Revelation ranks stirrup pants right up there with the locusts.