The elusive MetroCard



I've had my problems with the MetroCard vending machines. Specifically, when I'm forced to whip out the plastic.

Now that I don't have to get up every day and hop on the subway to earn myself a paycheck, I buy MetroCards more frequently. $10 here, $5 there, single ride when I'm really strapped for cash. Usually, I take whatever bills I have in my wallet and slap them on a MetroCard.

Cash is not always an option, though, because much like everything else the MTA is responsible for, the machines don't always work the way they should. On those not-so-rare occasions when I see the "NO BILLS" marquee, I know I'm going to miss the train I hear just pulling into the station.

Friday morning, Musician Friend and I attempted to fight the hangover we'd inflicted on ourselves just hours earlier and pull it together to hit the Seaport and see Bodies: The Exhibition. We'd both seen Bodyworlds: the Anatomical Exhibition of Real Human Bodies and wanted to compare notes. (The latter was much better, FYI) Anyway, we shuffled over to the Delancey station to hop on the JMZ line, and I realized I needed a Metrocard. I had no cash on me, so the ATM card was the only option.

Now, my ATM card is brand spanking new. I recently dumped Bank of America in favor of Washington Mutual, and my new card is shiny and pristine. Would it work in the MetroCard vending machine, however? Sure, after the fifth time I tried it. This baffles me, because if I were to crumple a $20 bill, shove it up my ass, twice, and then try to put it in the cash slot, it would be eagerly gobbled up on the first try. But a card, a perfect card? Does not compute.

I wish the MTA would stop spending money on advertising, because, you know, we have no choice and so it doesn't matter that they're a bunch of evil, greedy fucks because we are at their mercy and advertising really just rubs it in. Instead, how about machines that work? Turnstiles that work? And, I don't know, a 2nd Avenue subway line? Or, you know, pay your workers more money so the city doesn't have to deal with a transit strike.