Scatological discourse with Jess and Zach. "Sexy" scatological discourse

Zach: I have peed 5 times today.

Me: Why?

Zach: Well I drink a liter of water a day. I used to only pee like 2 maybe 3 times a day. I think I have a UTI.

Me: Do guys get those?

Zach: I can't see why not. But I doubt I have one. It doesn't hurt to pee or anything, I just have been going a lot today.

Me: I get them sometimes, depending on who I'm sleeping with.

Zach: Really? You treat them with cranberry juice?

Me: Cranberry juice only helps the symptoms. You need antibiotics, and they turn your pee orange.

Zach: That is so awesome. Stern had someone on yesterday who is marketing some product that makes your crap not smell.

Zach: It also turns it green.

Me: Ew.

Zach: takeawhiff.com

Me: "Whiff has two side effects, one of which disappears after a couple weeks. The bacterial metabolism caused by the FOS in Whiff produces gas and bloating. During the first couple weeks of taking Whiff, you may experience significant flatulence and/or diarrhea. But as the bowel assumes its new, healthier condition, these effects taper off and eventually disappear."

Me: I wonder if it affects farting.

Zach: It might? The weird thing is, later at night I was watching infomercials, and there was an infomercial about a colon cleanser.

Me: Ew.

Me: Also from takeawhiff.com: I realized immediately that the issue was one of 100% participation. It wouldn’t be good enough just for MY poop to stop stinking – this needed to be a global movement to make EVERYONE’s poop less stinky! I flushed, and as I washed and dried my hands, it came to me: We would need a rallying cry to encourage everyone to participate. And that rallying cry would be, "Take A Whiff!"

Zach: That's awesome. Pure genius.

Zach: Back to the infomercial. It's gross because they were saying that you can have anywhere from 5 to 22 pounds of compacted crap in your colon.

Me: Ew.

Zach: I know. But I want it out of my colon.

Me: Are you regular? If so, you're probably fine.

Zach: Please post that. I would ask you to marry me for asking me that.