Breaking up is hard to do

I've given it a lot of thought, and I've decided it's time to break up with Bank of America.

I remember the day Fleet and I first met, all those years ago. It was new. It was pretty. It was blue. And it had just opened up in the Hannaford Plaza in Rotterdam, New York, a mere 4-minute drive from my house. Fleet was nice. Fleet didn't want to charge me any fees.

I felt a twinge of anxiety when I first moved to Manhattan. Would there be a Fleet? Would we have to break up? A long-distance relationship with a bank is not really practical, you see. Luckily, I quickly found two. One on Delancey, and one on 2nd Avenue. I think of them as my daytime and nighttime banks, respectively.

Things were going gangbusters until Fleet made a new friend. Bank of America. And little things started to change. Fleet changed. Promises were made. Promises were broken.

Gone were the days when I could access my account quickly and easily over the phone without suffering through ten minutes of recorded nonsense and having to press *33 to deactivate voice recognition. Gone were the days when I would know both my available balance and my actual balance at any given time. Suddenly, there were fees. Suddenly, I began getting bitchy letters saying I'm making too many transactions. Fleet never cared how many transactions I made. Not to mention the fact that Bank of America still hasn't taken care of the nasty business of the fraudulent loan taken out in my name.

It's hard to say goodbye to a bank I've loved for so many years. But I have to accept the fact that that bank no longer exists. It's been swallowed up by the big, red, heartless monster that is Bank of America. Washington Mutual, which is opening on the corner of Avenue A and 2nd St. is making a lot of promises. I'm not sure I'm ready to trust a bank again, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Plus, it's always easier to get over a breakup when you have a rebound ready to go.