I see crazy people

I have more interactions with crazy people than the average person. Some recent examples:

- A month or two ago, I was walking to meet the rape crisis girls at The Bar inhabited by Hot Bouncer. As I made my way up 2nd Avenue, I noticed a raving lunatic weaving all over the sidewalk yelling and screaming unintelligibly. I made my way to the other side of the sidewalk and tried to quietly pass him. Suddenly, he's stepping on my foot and he's all up in my face and he looks like he's about to hit me. I froze. People all around me on the sidewalk froze. Luckily, he saw something else that made him angrier and quickly lost interest in me.

- Last week I had a pizza craving, and when I have a pizza craving, I hit the Two Boots on Avenue A. The nice man wrapped up my slice to go and as I made my way home, a man tried to swipe the bag. My reaction? What the fuck? He didn't look homeless, and when I glared at him and pulled my bag in closer to my chest, I realized he wasn't homeless. He was just crazy. He started swearing at me at top volume and I changed directions and hightailed it down 3rd St. toward home.

- The other day, I walked by the Crazy Man on the Stoop. I never say hello first, because the Crazy Man on the Stoop is mighty unpredictable. He held up his hand and said, "Look!" I noticed his shiny new gold watch. "New watch?" I asked. He nodded excitedly. "I dig it," I said. He grinned from ear to ear.

Add in the toothless old man who tells me I'm pretty every day in a way that suggests he doesn't recall ever seeing me before, the wackjob who once followed me for six blocks ordering me to suck his cock and all the lunatics I've dated, and you might say I'm a magnet for crazies. I'm not sure what it is about me. I mean, I look normal. As much as I hate to admit it, I pretty much am normal. It makes me paranoid. Like, there's something just a little bit off about me that they can pick up on or something. Like, I could maybe be one of them one day, and they can see it. It makes me nervous, frankly.