Becoming a skinny nympho, one pill at a time

UPDATE: After two days of major freaking out about Captain Jersey, I've calmed down and he hasn't run screaming and thought it was actually kind of endearing and cute and thank y'all for your kind words.

So, here's the thing about smoking. I never thought I'd still be doing it at 30.

I wasn't one of those girls that smoked in high school, but rest assured I was a badass. I smoked pot like it was my job, but had very little interest in nicotine. In fact, there is video of me on graduation weekend grabbing Heather #1's cigarette, taking a drag, coughing my lungs out and saying, "That's disgusting! Why do you all do that?"

Cut to freshman year of college when my roommate was a big-breasted Texan who chain-smoked. Once I got hammered, she'd push cigarettes on me, presumably because I looked so funny smoking. (I still look funny smoking, incidentally.) She, on the other hand, looked so natural and sexy with a cigarette, it was like she was born smoking.

So I'd have the occasional weekend cigarette. Then the Blizzard of '93 happened. Remember the Blizzard of '93? Classes were cancelled. Everything was cancelled. We prepared by stocking up on pot, booze and yes, cigarettes. It was during the Blizzard of '93 that I became a full-fledged smoker, because there really wasn't much else to do.

A friend down the hall who would later become my roommate and I started splitting packs. They'd last about three weeks. The two weeks. Then one week. Then we started buying our own and smoking like fiends.

These days, I don't smoke like a fiend unless I'm drunk or nervous. On a sober, relatively stress-free day, I won't smoke at all. But the not finding a new job and the dating someone who's actually kind of perfect have sent me over the edge and the smoking? It is a problem.

So I'm going to go on Wellbutrin. Which apparently, when it isn't giving you seizures and hallucinations, will make you super skinny and super horny. Not that I want to be super skinny, mind you. I'm worried about what will happen to the ass. And super horny? Probably also not a great thing at this stage in the game. But the not smoking? Hopefully will make it all worth it. Now I just have to pick my quit date and get my prescription filled.