Kung Fu Grip

When I worked at the TV station I was in a long-distance relationship with a guy who was convinced I spent every moment we weren't together having inappropriate contact with every guy I knew.

Two of those guys were Zach, who I mention frequently and Gary, who I do not. The boy referred to them as my "little work boyfriends." He was more jealous of the former than the latter, which was actually a big miscalculation on his part. Zach was the one I had the fun, flirtatious banter with, but Gary was the one who I had late night drinks with, talking about life and love and, most inappropriately, the relationship I'd been in for three years that had been on its last legs since day one.

The boy came up to visit while we were doing an on-location shoot at Jumpin' Jacks and I invited him to come by and see me in action. He also had the luxury of meeting my little work boyfriends, who were both on the clock.

First, he met Zach. I introduced them, they each extended their right hands, mumbled their hey man's and then the boy attempted to break Zach's. I pretended not to notice, but I started to crack up when the boy turned away and Zach gave me a look. The boy went to wander around and check out the park, and Zach said, "Did you see that kung fu grip he gave me?" Hence, the boy was to be referred to as Kung Fu Grip every time he came up in conversation until the end of time.

Later, the boy approached while Gary and I were in the trailer, belting out the rendition of Candy by Iggy Pop and Kate Pierson we'd been torturing the entire crew with for six weeks. We were wrapping things up, and he was waiting to take me home. I introduced him to Gary.

The next day, I asked Gary if he'd been treated to the kung fu grip. He had not. I guess that's because Zach was cuter. Maybe he should have, though, because Gary was the one I ended up with after that relationship was finally put to rest. I saved Zach for a later breakup. In hindsight, maybe his jealousy was warranted.