If it was herpes, you wouldn't be reading about it

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed something strange going on down below, and like any hypochondriac would do, I spent hours online, staring at disease-infested vaginas and convincing myself that I had everything from herpes to vulvar cancer. It was a fun time. As it turns out, I'm just allergic to something that I really, really hope isn't Veet, because as you, dear readers, know, I love the Veet. Anyway, The Roommate and I love ourselves some Valtrex commercials, and we had a lot of fun with the possibility that it might have been herpes, even though I haven't had sex in ages and I'm not one to ride bareback when I do. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

Me: I know it's gross, but I'm really cracking myself up throwing around the phrase "disease-infested vagina" today.

The Roommate: I'm assuming you didn't share this with your dear readers today.

Me: Uh, no. If it turns out to be nothing, I might. Although, if I end up on Valtrex, people might suspect anyway, what with all the sailing and bike riding with my hot new boyfriend.

Me: "Oh man, look at her! She's so happy! Herpes. It has to
be herpes."

The Roommate: "Wait....she is having just TOOO much fun! Total herpes."

Me: I just laughed SO LOUD.

Me: "Girls without herpes just DO NOT date guys that hot."

The Roommate: Dude, that's a dead giveaway.

Me: "And is it me, or did her eyes just get 10 times prettier?"

The Roommate: Ha!

Me: Oh man, I'm saving this conversation and if it ends up I'm just allergic to scented soap or some shit, I'm posting it.