An open letter to the cute guy who lives in my apartment building

Dear cute guy who lives in my apartment building:

I am much cuter than you think I am. Really.

See, you only see me on the weekends, when I've just stumbled out of bed for Dunkin' Donuts. Or when I'm on the way to the gym. Or on Thursdays, and everyone knows I look bad on Thursdays, because Thursdays? Worst day of my week.

So Cute Guy, if you could make an effort to avoid me on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays during the day and all day on Sundays, I'd really appreciate it. And if you could make more of an effort to be out and about the lobby on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Saturday nights around, oh, say between 9 and 10, that would rock.

Looking forward to you seeing me looking cute,
Jess

P.S. I've never seen you with a girl and you don't dress yourself well enough to be one of the gays. Single?