Conversations with Jake

Just think, this foulmouthed beast is going to be someone's baby daddy soon.

One:
Jake: I got a microwave for the office
Me: Nice!
Jake: I'm pimpin'
Me: In your capricious youth, did you think a microwave in your office would be pimpin'?
Jake: No, I thought my dick in Belinda Carlisle's mouth would be pimpin'
Jake: But that ship has sailed, so I'm recalibrating my expectations of pimpitood

Two:
Me: It's been a long time since I've had a proper shagging
Jake: Life is full of inexplicable tragedy
Jake: If anyone should be buns up and kneelin', it's you
Me: Indeed
Jake: Alas, justice is fleeting

Three:
Jake: Dude, the spam names just keep getting better
Me: I know!
Jake: Veracruz H. Nonpayments
Jake: Refuting J. Mallard
Jake: Mannerism C. Mayoral
Jake: And my new fave, Yukon J. Denture
Jake: That's like an old school punk rock name
Me: Reforesting Q. Stepparents!
Me: Sortied M. Thumbnails!
Me: My fave?
Me: Wetland T. Stovepipes
Jake: Oh, that's just lovely
Me: I want to be a porn star and have that name
Jake: Step 1: Change your name
Jake: Step 2: Start having sex again
Jake: Step 3: Allow Seemore Butts to film said activity
Jake: I should be a career counselor