Triple bypass only double a, triple x, here it comes

So. Turning 30. It's been freaking me out a little.

It's not the fact that I'm turning 30. It's the fact that I'm turning 30 with a mountain of debt, no idea what I want to be when I grow up, and with no romantic prospects. Frankly folks, this ain't where I thought I'd be at this point in my life.

What do I do when I'm freaking out, you ask? I self-destruct. I eat junk food and drink wine by the bottle and watch bad TV and chain smoke and turn the ringer on my phone off. I figured I'd just let myself do it until next Friday, when I'll be celebrating near Hot Bouncer. Only it got boring.

So now I'm freaking out, and instead of getting drunk and singing sad songs alone in my apartment, Bridget Jones style, I'm going to, like, clean my room and go to the gym and drink smoothies and crap. I'm going to be one boring 30-something.