Does Starburst count?

I'm just throwing this out there – I don't like fruit.

Not even bananas, you ask? Nope. Mangos? Not really. Strawberries? Couldn't be bothered with them. But what about grapes? I said NO. Stop asking.

Now, I've been trying to get this whole healthy living nonsense down. Quit smoking, cut the wine consumption a bit, work out regularly and eat healthy. I'm 30 now, can't fuck around anymore. Much.

Overall, I'm doing all right. I've basically become one who only smokes when I drink, which is a lot less than it was before. Gym? At least three times a week, plus some yoga and hula-hooping thrown in here and there. Whole grains? Check. Vegetables? Check. Less onion rings and French fries and mozzarella sticks and chicken wings and bacon and pizza and oh my God this is all making me very hungry? Yes. Fruit? I'm trying, really I am.

I've only met one other fruit hater before. It was at Nicola's bachelorette party. She looked like Virginia Madsen, and I had asked about her boyfriend once not knowing he was her boyfriend. While the food was getting passed around, she declined the fruit plate. I declined the fruit plate. Someone mentioned it and I said, "I don't really like fruit." She grabbed my arm.

"You don't like fruit?" she asked excitedly. "I don't like fruit! I thought I was the only one."

"Not even melon?" asked Nicola. We both made the ew face.

"Especially not melon," I spat out. I. Hate. Melon!"

The Fruit Hater and I were BFF from then on.

So, as part of my healthy 30s plan, I'm forcing myself to eat one piece of fruit every day. Seriously, it's the equivalent of someone telling me I need to eat an eyeball every day. I'm not enjoying it. At all. I'm expecting big things from all this fruit consumption, and if I don't get it, someone in charge of the food pyramid is going to get cut.