Macaulay Culkin's mucking up my murder mystery

It's not that I don't like to read a book after I see the movie. I'm just physically incapable of it.

And I've tried. I tried to read Jesus' Son. Couldn't do it. Wonder Boys? Nope. Fight Club is the only book Chuck Palahniuk has written that I have not read. Before I let myself watch House of Sand and Fog, I made myself read the book.

When I read, I like to imagine the characters in my own head. I don't like to see Jennifer Connolly while I'm reading about a character that, by description, looks nothing like her. It's too jarring.

A couple of years ago, my block was shut down because they were filming a movie. I looked on the post in front of my building and saw that the film was called Party Monster. I went upstairs and looked it up on IMDB. Macaulay Culkin? Marilyn Manson? Seth Green? Seth Green! I told The Roommate and we hatched a plan to kidnap him and chain him up in the apartment. We like the Seth Green. Alas, we never saw any of the cast members, but I eagerly awaited the film's release.

It wasn't too long ago that they showed Party Monster on the Sundance Channel, and I caught it one night. Jesus was that a bad flick. There's something about the way that Macaulay Culkin delivers lines that just makes me…uncomfortable. I felt the same way when I saw him in Saved. Like, you get the feeling that the kid's just not right. Like, he's a sociopath or something. Which actually made him an almost-believable club kid/killer Michael Alig in Party Monster.

Party Monster was based on James St. James' book Disco Bloodbath: A Fabulous But True Tale of Murder in Clubland. I'm ever so fascinated by James St. James, so on a recent Amazon spree, I bought the book. I started trying to read it today, and it's killing me. I know I could enjoy this book if only I could get Macaulay Culkin out of my head. If only I could picture the real JSJ, and not Seth Green. If Dylan McDermott wasn't hovering over me, delivering lines in a monotone, wearing a stupid eye patch. And don't even get me started on Chloë "It was an art film, I'm not a porn star" Sevigny.