Who's all talk? Oh, right. Both of us.

My friend Zach and I have been engaging in almost daily flirtatious banter that goes nowhere for about six years. I am pleased to bring you Jess and Zach: The Valentine's Day edition.

Zach: When are you coming up to visit?

Me: Happy Valentine's Day. I'm coming up in two weeks, but only for a day and only to my Dad's in Saratoga.

Zach: One day and to top it off, a day with restrictions. What the hell? Why only one day? Why not spend the night at my place?

Me: You know, one of these days I'm going to show up at your place and get naked just to freak you out.

Zach: Am I allowed an allotted freak out time, and then I make a move? For example, this actually does happen and I stand there with my mouth open for about two minutes and then I begin (Insert cheesy romance novel setting and moment for the making of love...) Any thoughts?

Me: You wouldn't make a move. You'd remember that you have a girlfriend and run away.

Zach: Bullshit. I'd make a move.

Me: Uh-huh.

Zach: Don't try and bluff your way through this.

Me: You're all talk.

Zach: Bullshit. I would so make a move. It's not all talk. The question is, would you even do that?

Me: Getting you all riled up is so much fun.

Zach: So you had no plans to ever follow through on this?

Me: I'm tempted. Just to freak you out, of course.

Zach: I invite you to try it.

Me: I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt. I was raised Catholic, for God's sake.

Zach: I knew you would puss out.