A post-holiday conversation with my body

This morning, I had a little chat with my body when we woke up.

"Are you kidding me?" my body asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't answer a question with a question. You know what I mean. Lasagna, beef, ham, pepperoni, mashed potatoes, Gram's ricotta cookies, brownies, pies, stuffed shells, pizza, red wine, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Did you consume even one piece of fruit while you were vacuuming up cookie crumbs with your mouth? And what, may I ask, is your veggie to red meat ratio, huh?"

"I had some veggies."

"You had some salad. With iceberg lettuce. If I remember correctly, you passed the peas and corn without so much as a spoonful on your plate. And while I'm thinking about it, I do believe the only exercise you got was getting off the couch to either get more cookies or use the bathroom. Arteries are your friends. Clogging them is a bad idea."

"Oh shut up. It was the holidays."

"Well, guess what? You're grounded."

"What do mean I'm grounded? You can't ground me."

"Oh yes I can. You're getting sick and you'll be in a bikini in less than a week. You are no longer in charge. You are going on a three-day detox diet. Don't look at me like that. For the next three days, you are to consume nothing but fruit and vegetables. You can have some tofu if you behave. And no coffee! You can have green tea, but that's it in the way of caffeinated beverages. And no booze, under any circumstances. And no cigarettes, either!"

"You suck."

"You leave me no choice. Maybe you'll remember this next time you want to be a big, fat glutton for days on end."