Home for the Holidays, Volume I

Saturday night, the Heathers and Marina and Kim and some friends-of-friends kicked it at the newly-reopened Delorey's. The bar looked beautiful, the band was awesome and Cousin Desiree is a great little bartender. Upon arrival, I did my rounds as several of my family members were in attendance. When I returned, something vile was hitting on one of the Heathers.

Now when I say "something vile," this is not your everyday shallow statement. When I say "vile," I mean he was short, scrawny, 40ish, slurring and wearing a beat-up leather jacket and a bandana over his long, greasy hair. He went by the name of Axl, but "not like Axl Rose" because he was Axl "way before that." Heather mouthed "help me" to me, I passed it along to Marina, and Marina asked Heather to tell us all about her new apartment. Heather turned her back on Axl and started talking to us while he continued to yell at no one in particular.

No one in particular quickly became Marina when he yelled, "Hey you with the dark hair! You're fucking hot." She ignored him as he got louder and louder until finally, I lifted up her hand with The Rock on it and said, "She's taken. Therefore, she doesn't want to talk to you." Then he tried to get another beer and was ignored by Cousin Desiree. Finally, he went off to play pool with Uncle Mark. His equally drunk friend began apologizing for Axl's bad behavior. After we assured him it was fine, he asked us all to dance. We politely declined.

Later, Cousin Desiree informed us that the friend had been kicked out, and Axl had been cut off. I might have kicked out Axl and cut the friend off, but then again, I'm not the bartender. Aside from the Axl experience, a lovely time was had by all. More tales coming soon.