Can I please have a sandwich? What with all this killing, and hostage-taking, I've really worked up an appetite.

On Lifetime Sunday, the crew watched Stalking Laura, a movie starring Brooke Shields as Laura Black, a woman being stalked by a man at her company. (the always-creepy Richard Thomas) Ultimately, Thomas' character is fired, and after repeated failed attempts to get Laura to have dinner with him occasionally (no really, he specified "occasionally"), he shows up at the office with ammo and explosives and starts killing everyone he sees.

Now, as frequent Lifetime spectators, there was no shortage of comments from the peanut gallery of myself, The Roommate, The Boyfriend of The Roommate and L'il Suzy. When Laura would find a dead coworker and freak out, we'd yell, "It's all your fault, Laura! He just wanted to have dinner occasionally! Occasionally!" and crack ourselves -- and each other -- up.

The biggest discussion came when hostage negotiators arrived on the scene and asked for Thomas' demands. He requested a Diet Cola, but not in a can. In a glass, with ice. And a sandwich. We found this very disturbing.

"Just any kind of sandwich?" asked the roommate. "Why isn't he asking for something specific?"

"What if they show up with, like, egg salad?" I asked. "That might be the last sandwich he ever eats."

So then we started discussing what our perfect hostage sandwich would be. Some ideas were thrown out, and then I had an idea.

"A mixed Italian sub," I said. "That would be my perfect hostage sandwich."

A hush fell over the room, as everyone considered the salami and the provolone cheese and the ham and the capicola and the pepperoni.

In the end, everyone agreed that, if we went in to shoot up an office building and take someone who wouldn't have dinner with us occasionally as a hostage, we wouldn't request just any old sandwich. We'd request a mixed Italian sub. We didn't discuss beverages, though.