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I remembered this story while putting on mascara this morning. It made me giggle.

It was freshman year at Marist College. Father Mike and I decided to stay in and have ourselves a romantic Saturday night. We had a fridge full of Zima and Untamed Heart in the VCR. It was on.

Two hours later, we're drunk and naked under the covers and a key turns in the door. Father Mike whispers, "pretend you're asleep" and proceeds to do exactly that. I don't know how believable that move was, considering the Bob Marley playing on the boom box and the lit candles everywhere. I peeked at Doc, Father Mike's roommate, and he was on his bed with his head in his hands. He was crying.

"Doc, are you okay?" Father Mike pinched me under the covers and gave me a what-the-hell-are-you-doing look. Doc was not okay. Doc had girl problems. Doc wanted to talk. For a really long time. He slid his desk chair next to the bed and we talked, while Father Mike stubbornly pretended to be asleep while pinching me every few minutes. After about ½ hour of listening and consoling, their third Musketeer Pat came in very, very drunk.

"Mommy! Daddy! I'm home!" And with that, Pat jumped in bed with us. It was at this point that I realized we were both still naked. Pat wanted to get under the covers with us. Father Mike told him no. Pat wanted us to get out of bed and go play kickball in the hallway, and started trying to drag us out of bed. Father Mike punched him. At this point, it became apparent that Doc and Pat were never going to leave. Ever. Father Mike decided to do something.

"Look, can you assholes get out of here? We were trying to have sex before you came home and interrupted us. We're both naked under here and we need to put some clothes on."

Doc and Pat looked at me, then at Father Mike. Then at the bulge in the blankets where our bodies were.

"Fuck man," Pat said. "You could have said something." They left, and Father Mike and I spent the rest of the night fighting about whether or not they would have gone away if I had just pretended to be asleep.