He's just not that into me

I just got done reading He's Just Not That Into You: The
No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. If you've somehow missed all the hype surrounding this book, it came about when the authors were sitting in a Sex and the City writers session. One woman was talking about some guy she'd met that she hadn't heard from, and the other women started making excuses like, "maybe he's just busy" or "maybe he didn't get your email." Greg chimed in, "maybe he's just not that into you." They used it in an episode of the show.

Now, I don't run out and buy over hyped self-help books. I skipped Men are from Mars and Women are Stupid entirely. I only read The Rules under extreme duress, and found it evil and offensive. Nonetheless, this one intrigued me. I asked our Relationships Producer if she'd gotten a copy into the office, she had, I read it. I am forever changed by this book.

Every single excuse I have ever made for a boy that wasn't treating me right is debunked. He's busy, he's turning 30, his ex-girlfriend won't leave him alone, he's depressed, he just started a new job. This is what we do. We sit around with our girlfriends and overanalyze male behavior. If he didn't call, we try to figure out if we said something wrong, or acted too needy, or if external factors are conspiring against us. We read and reread emails from guys who just disappeared off the face of the Earth. We try to figure out what they really mean. None of us end up with these guys we waste so much energy trying to make excuses for, because when it comes down to it, they're just not that into us, or they wouldn't be acting the way they do.

Now, am I saying I'm never going to obsess over a boy that I shouldn't? No. But I hope that when there's a voice in my head that's saying, "what did I do wrong?" and another voice saying, "he's really busy this work," there's at least one more voice that says, "maybe he's not that into you." And you know what, ladies? Maybe if we collectively stop making excuses for guys who don't treat us right, all those lonely dudes are going to have to stop acting like jackasses if they want a little female companionship. You know, if we stop spending three nights a week at the guy who refuses to call us his girlfriend's apartment, or tell our drunk dialing ex-boyfriends that no, they can't come over and if they want us back they're going to have to prove to us that they've changed, then maybe they'll quit it with the lazy and step up. I'm just sayin'.