Runaway bride

One of my biggest fears is this. I will meet someone, fall in love, get engaged, plan a wedding and then completely FREAK OUT on the big day and leave my would-be husband at the altar. I can so see myself doing that. Being a real-life Runaway Bride.

It doesn't help that when I mention this to my friends, they pause, consider and then say, "Yeah, I could see that." And it's not that I'm afraid of commitment, per se. I'm afraid of the wrong commitment. I've never had terribly good judgment when it comes to whom I fall in love with. In college, Cindy and I were considered very good divorce candidates. She beat the odds by finding her soul mate, but I don't think I could distinguish My Soul Mate from Your Average Asshole. I just don't trust myself. Plus what about the boys I'm still what-if-fing about? How could I let go of the notion that one of them could be THE ONE and maybe I should do something about it?

I'm starting to think I'm not so cut out for the forever thing. If I'm going to be a serial monogamist forever, I'm seriously going to have to come up with a strategy for retaining my youthful good looks. And yes, this post was inspired by a Lifetime Original Movie that aired yesterday.