A letter to the uterus freaks,

Dear uterus freaks:

We have to talk. After updating and perusing my list of uterus-related search terms, I have come to the conclusion that y'all have no concept of where the uterus is, what it is or what purpose it serves. Please, allow me to educate you.

Uterus
1 : an organ of the female mammal for containing and usually for nourishing the young during development previous to birth -- called also womb
2 : a structure in some lower animals analogous to the uterus in which eggs or young develop

You see, there is nothing sexy about a uterus. It is, in fact, about as sexy as a liver. If you are presented with a naked woman, you will not see her uterus, even with a speculum. Based on your misconception of female anatomy, I would assume this does not happen often, but should it occur, DO NOT say anything like, "Oh baby, I want to touch your uterus." She will promptly kick you out of bed. You can find free uterus pics all over the Internet, should you choose to, but something tells me you won't like what you find. THIS is what I suspect you're looking for.

Vagina
1 : a canal in a female mammal that leads from the uterus to the external orifice of the genital canal
2 : a canal that is similar in function or location to the vagina and occurs in various animals other than mammals

I hope this helps you in your quest for the right kind of Internet porn. And more importantly, I hope it helps all future women who have the questionable fortune of sharing a bed with you. Might I also suggest you acquire some information on the clitoris?

Love,
Jess