Confessions of your favorite dirty introvert

People are often surprised to find out that I'm something of a social awkward. Mostly because I'm usually drunk, and I am not shy when I'm drunk. And drunk or sober, I'm a flirt. So unless I want to sleep with you, simply toy with your emotions or I've had too much whisky, chances are I'll be shy the first 10 or 12 times I meet you.

I've thought about becoming a journalist off and on over the course of my noncareer, but the whole talking-to-people thing freaks me out. Case in point -- the article I'm writing for work. My job usually consists of copying and pasting all day while listening to Eminem, but I have this rare opportunity to really show 'em what I'm made of. I just did my first interview, and what with the near-hyperventilating beforehand, and the fact that I'm still shaky one half-hour later, I just don't know if I'm cut out for this sort of thing. The four remaining interviews looming will no doubt cause severe anxiety nightmares tonight, involving being naked in middle school or hoping a passing tornado doesn't decide to swoop me up.

This type of thing should get easier over time, but it doesn't. At my last job, I had a good stretch where I was giving presentations at least once a week. It never got easier -- I always had a near-heart-attack right before. My hands always shook. I always looked like something of a deer-in-headlights. I always giggled nervously. It makes me wonder if some things are just ingrained in your personality and can't be changed. Maybe I'm just destined to be a shy girl for all the remaining years of my life. Or maybe I just need a lifetime supply of beta-blockers and Maker's Mark.