What a waste of panic

There are a lot of things to panic about. George Bush being reelected. Global warming. Shark attacks. Mary-Kate having a relapse. These are not the things I've been panicking about, however. I've been panicking about the upcoming wedding reception and the presence of Texty McTextstein at said reception.

As it turns out, despite the fact that I have the misfortune of seeing him at least twice a week, he has dropped off the face of the Earth as far as our mutual friends are concerned. No one knows why. For about nine months, no contact. They aren't even sure he's coming. Here I've been, wrought with panic and he might not even be there. That's it. I will never again freak out over something before it happens. Ever. Well, I am still pretty worried about Mary-Kate.