A letter to Gary Gulman

Dear Gary Gulman:

I love you.

I bet you get that a lot, because really, how many hot comics are there out there? Most of them look like the guys we loved to hang out with as friends because they were fun and then said, "I just don't think of you that way." You, Gary, are different.

When that radiant smile of yours lights up your face, it also lights up my face. How I want to tangle my fingers in your thick, wavy hair. You can practice your jokes on me in bed, and if they're funny, I promise you will not be disappointed. Of course, you're a good 15 inches taller than me so our bedroom antics might be limited, but you're a clever guy. I know you'll figure it out.

When you talk to cookies, I get all tingly inside. I do not share your love of cookies, but I will bake them for you. Despite not being a sweets person, I can still bake like Betty Crocker. Since I don't care for them, you'll get to eat the whole batch.

I don't think you're going to win Last Comic Standing, Gary Gulman, but you've won my heart. Thank you for being the one bright spot in an otherwise miserable day.

Love,
Jess