I know I'm cool and all, but seriously

This identity theft business is one giant headache. It's also a little exciting, if I'm going to be completely honest.

Here's the deal. Some chick is running around with a Virginia driver's license for me. Even though I've never lived in Virginia. She also has my social security number, a Discover card in my name and a piece of mail from my apartment. Since 7/27, she has taken out a $9,000 personal loan, opened another credit card for $3,500 and tried to get a store credit card at Macy's. Because, you know, that's the first thing I'd do if I were stealing someone's identity. Open a fucking Macy's account.

So far today, I have gone to the bank twice (not the actual branch - I'm going there tomorrow), called all three credit bureaus to put a fraud alert on myself so no one can open accounts in my name, filed a complaint with the FTC and spent no less than one hour on hold. Tomorrow it's the bank branch and the police station. Theoretically, she should not be able to open any more accounts in my name, but we'll see about that. I really, really hope I get to look at security camera footage.