Three beers and a crazy lady

So the Cavefish had her Big Date last night.

We met at Bleecker Bar at 9:00pm. He was cuter than I thought he'd be. He gave me giant sunflowers, which I thought was a nice touch. We talked, sometimes awkwardly but mostly easily. I had some Guinness and he had some Jack Daniels. He was troubled to find out that I am a Yankees fan. I did not say anything that made me want to punch myself in the mouth afterward. After a few hours, we parted. Kiss on the cheek. It was nice, but I didn't want to jump his bones. Not that the boys whose bones I do want to jump are ever any good for me, but still. If he asks me out again, I'll definitely go. But I won't cry if he doesn't.

The best part of my date was the Crazy Bathroom Lady. I walked into the two-stall bathroom and stole a quick glance at myself in the mirror. She, obviously peeking at me through the space between the stall door and the stall anchor, yelled out YOU LOOK NICE IN GREEN! I thanked her, and then got into the stall next to her. "Doll Parts" by Hole was playing.

THIS SONG REMINDS ME OF MY WEDDING DAY, she bellowed. I wanted to say I'M SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU STOP YELLING but instead I said "oh?" YES, she began. I WAS STANDING WITH MY MOTHER RIGHT BEFORE I HAD TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE AND I SAID 'IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE, JUST SHOOT ME NOW'. I'M DIVORCED NOW.

She exited her stall before me, and continued yelling at me while peeking at me through the gap. Yeah, it was a little uncomfortable. I finished up and headed out to the sink, where she told me she'd been in Columbia the past weekend, and boy do those men love breasts. She told me at great length about Columbian men and their reaction to her breasts. Then, inexplicably, she said YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WENT TO COLLEGE FOR FOUR YEARS TO END UP DOING. What? Her job is having her breasts groped by Columbian men?

Anyway, I had an amusing anecdote when I got back to the table. Which was good. I'm at my best when telling amusing anecdotes.