Playing catch-up

Azee and I went to Mama's last night to gorge ourselves and catch up. We usually touch base at least twice per week, but with the long holiday weekend, it had been nearly two weeks. Since we're both drama queens, we had a lot of ground to cover.

Mama's was crowded, but we were lucky enough to find one huge table in the back to take over. We sat down, I with my salmon, turnips and swiss chard and Azee with her meatloaf, mac n' cheese and yams. Hers looked much better, but I'm trying to be healthy and get in shape and all that boring stuff. Girl's skinny, and she eats like a house. It makes me want to cry.

We were just about to launch into our boys/work/Fahrenheit 9/11/etc. discussion when a displaced solo diner asked if he could sit at out table. Of course we said sure, and then we weren't sure how to proceed. He seemed intent on his food and not terribly interested in us, though, so we tentatively started the conversation. When I accidentally said "booty call," I quickly looked over to judge his reaction. None. So we went full-speed-ahead with our chat, sans censoring. When we finished eating, Azee got up to get us some to-go containers, and I addressed our silent dining companion.

Hey, I'm sorry you've had to sit here and listen to us for so long.

He pointed to his mouth to indicate he was chewing and would respond momentarily. He chewed FOREVER. I looked at every piece of décor, individually. I checked my cell phone messages. I stared at my nails. I drafted up a five-year plan with flow-charts and a PowerPoint presentation. I had three children. Finally, he spoke.

No problem at all. I was actually going to respond to a couple of things you said, but I was chewing. By the time I got done, you'd be on to another topic.

It wasn't hard to see how that could have happened. He was kind of cute, but the voice that came out of his mouth did not connect with how he looked on any level. It was quite jarring. When Azee returned I told her the Insanely Long Chewer had been listening and had some comments. She supplied him with all of the background information necessary, in addition to what he'd heard, and demanded his opinion. He looked a little dizzy at first, but then he offered some good insight. And then he went back to chewing, which prevented us from saying a proper goodbye. We did get a wave, though.