A letter to Britney Spears

Dear Britney,

You know I'm a big fan. I own three CDs, saw Crossroads in the theater and have dirty fantasies about you on a regular basis. I am part of the Britney-will-be-the-next-Madonna contingency. I defend you on a regular basis. I even have your limited edition Skechers rollerskates. This love runs deep. But Britney, we need to talk.

I was skeptical about this relationship with Kevin from the start. Really Brit, I think you can do better. And I'm not talking about marrying-my-high-school-friend-in-Vegas-better either. That was just weird, frankly. And really, any media-savvy pop diva would let the dust settle a bit before getting hitched again. Your antics are starting to look like career suicide.

Oh boy, Britney, where do I start? First of all, you proposed to him and had to buy your own engagement ring. Second of all, he has two kids, and cheated on their mother with you. And then left her for you. And you're supporting him? What kind of person is he? Third of all, I'm all for shunning tradition, but a red wedding dress? Now, all of these things I could maybe overlook because you're a little crazy and aren't exactly known for wise decision-making. But we really, really need to discuss this pre-nup situation.

Britney, you are worth an estimated $100 million dollars. That's a lot of money, yes - probably more than the average person knows what to do with. Should Kevin knock you up twice and then leave you (not that a fine upstanding gentleman like him would do such a thing to anyone), you will be left with half of that. If your album sales continue to plummet, if your reality show bombs, if you keep canceling concert dates because of (poor ticket sales) knee injuries, your savings account is going to be ravaged, what with that wild lifestyle you need to finance. Plus, let's not forget about those crooked accountants you kids like to hire, who steal all your money and then you disappear only to show up in a VH1 "Where Are They Now?" special years later following stint after agonizing stint in rehab.

I hope I don't sound harsh Britney. I only bring these things up because I care. I hope you'll take some of this to heart, especially the pre-nup part.

Love,
Jess