HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULIEEEEEEEEEEE



It's Julie's birthday. I have already sent her four obnoxious text messages (including this post's title), and will continue to do so until she calls and yells at me.

I once expressed disappointment to Julie over not reading my blog. She said, "What the hell do I need to read your blog for? I talk to you every damn day." When I told her I tell Julie stories frequently, she said, "I was there. What do I need to read it for?" So she's given me free license to talk any kind of smack I want about her. I giggle when she meets friends who read my blog and they treat her like a lunatic celebrity and she has no idea why.

Julie is in Florida now, job hunting but mostly just lying on the beach and contemplating releasing Galileo, the rambunctious turtle, into the wild. If she were here, I'd be planning a big birthday night out with dinner and tequila and bubbles. Since I will not get to celebrate with my crazy best friend this year, I offer you "The Best of Julie."

Julie misunderstands song lyrics
Julie convinces me to dump the ex
The Julie/Jess psychic connection
Julie uses the check memo line to be dirty
Julie hates my boyfriends

Text message to Julie: In honor of your birthday, I just publicly humiliated you. Smooches!