Just an old fashioned love song

Ian: Did you read my journal entry all about you?

Me: Huh?

Ian: Yeah, I wrote an entry all about you.

Me: Where?

Ian: In my secret journal.

Me: Shut up.

Ian: Really. I'm not even lying.

Me: What secret journal?

Ian: I can't give you the link, because it's secret from everyone who knows me. But I wrote you a love letter. I will paste it in here, but I am a little shy about it.

Ian: "I 2TALY LOVE U SO MUCH!11! OMG OFC U R SO SEXY AND U MAEK MA HORNY AND WTF I CUD CUM FROM JUST TOKNG 2 U!!1111 WTF LOL U R A GIRL WIT NIEC BOBS!!!! I WANT 2 HUM U AND PUT CHIK3N NUGATS IN UR AS!!!! OMG CUZ U WUD LIEK TAHT11!!1!11 OMG LOL AND U HAEV NIEC AY3S BUT U WUD B UGLY IF U WORE GLASES111!! WTF LOL AND I HOPA U DONT G3T FAT!!!1!!1! WTF LOL"

Me: And they say romance is dead.

Ian: Come off it, that took me ages. Ungrateful wench.