I, I held her hand too tight, too hard to make it right, so I could sleep at night

If you were ever an avid watcher of My So-Called Life, you know the "Buffalo Tom episode," where one Mr. Jordan Catalano made out with Angela in the boiler room and then, at the very end, grabbed her hand and walked down the hall with her. This episode was on The N last night, and I screamed with excitement the same way I did the first time I saw it. Then I did some Very Serious Thinking about Jordan Catalano.

For all intents and purposes, Jordan Catalano was not Good Boyfriend Material. He ignored her in front of his friends, broke up with her because she wouldn't sleep with him, blew her off on several occasions and slept with her best friend. On top of that, the kid was a dim bulb and a mediocre musician. Yet, he had this amazing power over Angela, and every girl who watched this show.

When he slept with her best friend, I didn't say, "What a dick!" Instead I gave him the I'm-very-disappointed-in-you look and said, "Oh Jordan Catalano, what did you do?" I was always disappointed, not angry. I never wished she'd dump him -- I just always wished he'd rise up to her level. And I never, ever rooted for Brian Krakow. Ever.

What was wrong with us Jordan Catalano fans? Why were we so seduced by those pretty blue eyes, that soft hair, those lips, that voice that barely escaped a whisper…okay, okay. Yes, he was hot. But why was that enough? Why were we so forgiving? I'm not at all ashamed to admit I pondered this for HOURS last night, either. And then I thought about my Jordan Catalano, a fellow named Louis.

I met Louis when I worked at Arby's, in the food court of Rotterdam Square Mall. Because I was a Serious Mall Rat, I always went in about an hour before my shift, dropped off my stuff and then hung out, visiting friends that worked elsewhere in the mall, shopping, whatever. One day, I saw The Hottest Boy Ever sitting in the food court with a friend. I looked at him, he looked at me. I smiled. He smirked. He was rail thin with a black leather jacket and long brown hair. I was smitten. Unfortunately, I was also late for work and had no time to socialize.

When I got behind the counter, he was leaving for the arcade. Just then, Todd my coworker and fellow mall rat, arrived to drop off his stuff and go wander around. I had my plan of attack.

Hey Todd, wanna do me a big favor? Go to the arcade and tell the tall, skinny guy with the black leather jacket that the girl at Arby's wants to talk to him.

Todd did not want to do this, but after pleading and bribing, he finally went. Five minutes later, Hot Guy walks up just as the Longest Line Ever is forming at my register. He casually walked up, dropped off a slip of paper with his name and phone number on it, and walked away. I didn't see him again that day.

Two days later, I called him. He played guitar on the phone and sang me songs. Then I didn't hear from him for two weeks. Then he randomly called me at the mall at 9:00 and invited me over. I went, and he pretty much ignored me all night long. Then I didn't hear from him for a month. This went on for the better part of a year. Yet, whenever he called, I went. Like a zombie to an exposed brain, I went.

We weren't even sleeping together -- in fact, I think during that whole time he kissed me once, maybe twice. I don't know why I kept going back any more than I know why I never thought Jordan Catalano was a big dick. They were both really, really hot. And hopefully intriguing, meaning you always hoped there was something else going on under there, even though there was a part of you that thought maybe what you were seeing was It.

Incidentally, my Jordan Catalano and I eventually did become a sort-of couple my sophomore year in college. That ended when I found out he was cheating on me with a 16-year old girl, which, um, ew. And Julie made the unfortunate mistake of getting involved with him two years after that, which ended when she found out he was cheating on her with a different 16-year old girl. Watch out ladies -- some Jordan Catalanos are worse than others.