Conversations with Favorite Ex

COUNTOWN: TWO DAYS LEFT TO SIX FEET UNDER

Me: [scanning the bookshelf] Can I borrow a book?

Him: Sure.

Me: Any recommendations?

Him: Island of the Sequined Love Nun.

ASIDE: At this point, I assume my Snarky Face and stick my tongue out at him. The fact that Love Nun even exists makes him furious. Why he keeps the book, I do not know. I read it three years ago, just to annoy him.

Him:: Take The Stone Raft. You'll like it. It's about the Iberian Peninsula floating away.

Me: Okay.

Him: Wait, let me write my name in it.

Me: Why?

Him: Because people keep stealing my books.

Me: I'm not going to steal your book!

Him: Everyone says that.

Me: How is writing your name in the book going to keep me from stealing it?

Him: Because every time you open it, you'll see my name and feel guilty, and then you'll eventually mail it to me in Minnesota.

Me: Doubtful.

Me: Why don't you just write down who has what book so you can keep track?

Him: [motioning to the whiteboard] I do, but then everyone just erases it.

Me: Then why don't you write it down somewhere that isn't public and easily erasable?

Him: Look, I realize my logic is a little flawed.

And later…

Me: How many vegetables did you eat today?

Him: None.

Me: That's why you're always sick. You don't eat any vegetables.

Him: I have fruit. Do you want some?

Me: I don't like fruit.

In other news, I'm cured. Cavefish got her mojo back.